It Fucking Ended!

The percentage in surviving a long distance relationship is known to be very very low. But more than that, it came to my senses that this whole picture is freakin wrong. You can't force anyone to like you let alone to love you. I know for fact that he loves me and for the love of God I love him too. Too much even but that does not make forcing him to marry me is a right thing to do. Nonetheless, breaking up with someone you love and you live with for 7 years is never easy especially when you never love someone else this much before. Maybe it works for some people but if I had to give the man that supposedly in love with me a fuckin deadline..it's fuckin over...well at least for me it is.

I remember coming back to our place to pick up all my stuff after the break up. Thank God he wasn't there cause I was litterally falling apart. All my things are packed nicely and put aside. It was a couple of weeks after christmas. There they were all the christmas gift from his parents and his aunties. I've never felt so welcome whenever I'm with his family. They treat me like I'm part of them. Staring at all those gifts, suddenly a flashback of all the good times we had together. Every Christmas , every new year, the sundays when his mom will cook for us. Writing this paraghaph apparently is not that easy for me even after all these years. Flashback after flashback coming through my mind. I'm breaking down but that day, that day I can never forget how bad I cried. I broke down so hard that I was out of breath. I was suffocated for screaming so much. It was like death. No wonder people called it broken hearted. My heart felt like it was pulled out of my chest, torn apart and smashed to the ground into pieces like a piece of glass.

I tried to calm down, take a deep breath and pull myself together. I dialled for his mom so I could say thank you for all the gifts but the moment I heard her sweet caring beautiful voice, I broke down again. In all those years we were together, as long as she has known me I have never shed a tears, now I cried like a freakin baby over the phone talking to her. I just kept crying that I can't even say thank you. She was calming me down. She is surprised that it is over. His parents used to tell me that religion is not an issue. They accepted that we come from a different believes. How could I not love them. I finally put down the phone. I am glad that somehow in all the crying I managed to tell her that I love her so much.

I called my bestfriend to come and pick me. I can't be there any longer. It was too painful. I never thought I could love anyone this much but I did. It was torcherous that it didn't work out but I'm thankful and honoured that I had that chance to be in love, to know and to feel what love means. Because of this, I know what love is.

The Perfect beginning!

It begins with " You're so pretty, can I call you?".....it never ends....

That was supposedly to be printed on our wedding invitation card,it was simple but classy. White card with black font and red ribbon across it. The banner, it was a picture of us photographed from his back with his shirt off and just wearing a white linen pants carrying me over his strong arms, with me wearing my tube white chiffon long dress, by the beach under the beautiful sunset. I am hugging his shoulder with my eyes closed and he is looking at me dearly. The same goes to the cover of the wedding album, the wedding soundtrack  that features 10 of our favorite love songs with a little 'Thank You' card attached to it. That's the doorgift for all our beloved guest whose intived to celebrate our holy fuckin matrimony. To witness and to be inspired by love, to convert the non believer that true love does exist. A perfect garden wedding at the Equestrian Club with skylight tent so we could dine under the stars. Giant cinema screen so we could showcase our romantic love story. Talk about Bridezilla, I could have won a fuckin Oscar! Perfect wedding dress, perfect wedding cake, perfect location, perfect date and PERFECT FUCKIN GROOM!

Well, that was four years ago......